Page 27 - Mini-Module 11

8. Impressive Expressions
Avoid using meaningless expressions like 'many' and 'good'. Always
avoid emotive expressions which lack precision, such as 'an enormous
drop in revenue'. What does 'enormous' mean? It is better to say that
'revenue fell by 20 per cent last year.' Aim therefore for conciseness by
preempting the questions an intelligent reader would ask. If, for
example, you are saying: 'The administrative unit should have a
substantial increase in the number of staff, the reader would probably
ask what 'substantial' means. In other words, he wants to know
precisely how many (especially if he has to pay for them!) It is better
therefore to write: 'there should be between four to six additional staff
in the administrative unit.'. You might then give the reasons for your
figures.

9. Unadorned Facts
Focus on facts, pure and unadulterated. They should be presented
simply and clearly without adornment. Then you can interpret and
colour them with your own views, but this should be done in a rational
way rather than using it as an opportunity to give vent to your
emotional feelings about the subject. The reader therefore should be
able to look first at the facts which have been presented impartially,
and perhaps interpret them in his own way before reading your
discussion.
Look at the following passage:
The department suffered a desperate turnover in staff last year.
This affected performance enormously. It was most likely due to
the fact that so many teachers are in the younger age bracket
and they leave to get married or have children.
First of all, it has departed from the facts and started interpreting
reasons. The reader should be allowed to read the facts and make what
he will of them before the author imposes his analysis on the matter.
The fact in this passage is that there was a turnover of staff in the
department last year. Did you spot the other weaknesses? What is a
'desperate' turnover? Did performance improve or decline? That has
not been stated. How enormous is 'enormous'? How many teachers are
in the 'younger age bracket'? What is the 'younger age bracket'? We
are not suggesting that the length of the report, or the passage for that
matter, be increased; just that facts replace the woolly statements
which are there at the moment. Instead of 'desperate', say how many
staff left; state how performance was affected; and explain what is
meant by 'young'. It could, for example, be employees in the 20‐30 age
group.
All this of course should come in your section on facts. If you entitle
one section 'Findings' or 'Results', you should keep the section solely
for that purpose, and not get drawn into a discussion on the possible
reasons for things turning out as they did. Save that information for
later.

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